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Is this really that important?

January 27, 2013

Let’s face it, change isn’t always easy and can often be downright scary.  In my world I would profess to be a person who loves the challenges of change and the spontaneity it can introduce…

..until, perhaps, it is change about something that I don’t necessarily want to do.

Looking at my own behavior (especially within the work world) I can often attribute the ill-at-ease days and moments to the progress of the job around me in directions that I may not have seen coming.  In easier terms this could be stated as the lapses of control or power.

Perhaps I should mention that these lapses are normally, if not always, perceived or imagined.  I am quite capable of convincing myself that the control is mine when it was never really there in the first place.  Perhaps the human brain conjures up the feeling of power if only to fool themselves out of the “sad” reality of powerlessness.  By that same token I could say that there is also illusion in the scope or importance of the change at hand.  Is it really all that bad?

For me, in many arenas, the illusion of control can become my own worst enemy.  I wear it like a badge of honor and use it to tell myself that I am untouchable, which closes the mind’s doors and windows to potential and ideas.

Granted, not every change is going to be a good idea.  Not every change is a benefit of growth: spiritual, mental or physical.  But change is inevitable and constant. To avoid, deny, or ignore it can only become detrimental to progress as a human being.  To believe that what currently “is” will remain without the effects of time, other beings, and even your own inner sense of need… is to become locked in a time warp or deep, deep hole.  Without change we run the risk of a stagnancy in the human experience as well as knowledge of the world around us outside our safe little bubble.

All that said I must admit that I have painted a rather over-exaggerated picture of myself when involved with change.  I not only accept it, but I embrace it.  What would be accurate in this portrayal, however, is that I must sometimes be coerced towards that acceptance.  Sometimes with gentle reminders of why change is necessary or advantageous… and other times after beating my head against the wall until bloodied as a result of ego and indignance towards anyone knowing better or more about the thing being changed than I.

The thing about control is that I have learned again and again in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that I am my own worst enemy when I have taken the driver’s wheel.  The most important thing that I can do is to let go of this control and allow a power greater than myself to run this show for me.


Does letting go of my control mean that I am not making the choices and decisions for my own life?  No.  Instead it allows me to understand that I am being directed properly, safely (even with choices that seem otherwise) and soundly towards exactly where I am supposed to be.  Better than that it allows me to react less to the world around me and enjoy myself and environment more than otherwise possible.

I have a tendency to create mantras that fit a current scenario, it is a practice that allows me to arrest thinking, create new habits, and move beyond behaviors that I believe are not aiding my happiness and growth.  From time to time I come upon something that resonates throughout my being and provides me with a tangible and spiritual result.  Late last year I thought what I really needed was a barometer to the many different changes popping up (often unexpectedly) within my workplace.  I was finding myself in dis-ease, riddled with fear and dis-satisfaction, where I knew I had choices to think and BE something different.  Suddenly I asked myself “Is this really that important?  Does it really matter?” and I knew in  a flash that the situation had found the birth of its solution.

The truth is always there.  I don’t have to be in a place that doesn’t feel any less than happy, joyous and free.  If I am somewhere else it is inevitable that I am trying to control the outcome of something…. I have taken a hold of that wheel and started driving once again.

For the most part I neither need nor desire to control all situations.  when I do and it becomes uncomfortable I will simply ask the aforementioned question and I know the answer will be no.

Done.  I move on to the next part of my day.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

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