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Slaying the Fear Dragon

April 28, 2013

False evidence appearing real.

If I’ve learned anything in the past 22 years the above acronym for fear ranks among the most powerful reminders of the wall I build around me that blocks out the open pathway to happiness, comfort and peace.  It’s strange that I can deviate so easily from the joy that life can bring, but the fact remains that I have this potential.  There is a built in trigger that signals my brain towards anger and defense when I believe that I am not going to get something that I want OR lose something that I already have.

Being human is an experience like no other.

The chances are neither of these fear scenarios are as real as it will seem at the time they are experienced.  Most of the fear I feel is perception.  Even if the likelihood of what the fear represents is real, it is going to be based on what I believe to be a loss or difficulty, when in fact, whatever I have ever lost or not received became a part of the many lessons shaping and evolving my character and the path  I am continuing upon.

Fear and lack of trust are tied directly.  My issues with trust in the past explain fully why the world may have seemed so fearful.  If I am unable to trust that I am guided by a power greater than me, I only have myself to rely on.  I have (when in control) proven less than reliable as a decision maker and have dug many a hole or constructed many a wall as a result of running the show.  Even though it has proven difficult at times, letting go has always proven to be my best answer.

My life will be as perfect as I allow it to be.  There are those who would argue there is too much wrong with the world to believe such a thing.  On some days I might agree with this assessment, but I am more inclined to look at the examples I have illustrated above to truly see why the world can be such a challenge.  When I am experiencing issues, anger, resentment, Ill-will, or simply not understanding the joy and peace that I know to be inherently my right, I am in fear.  It really cannot be any more simple than that.

So what, outside of the basic rules stated in paragraph 2, causes my fear?  Lack of connection with solution, for one.  I am either in a problem or in a solution.  As a result of my alcoholism I found out that running the show was my problem, and the things I did to stuff, forget, deny and avoid what I considered my problems were my solutions at that time.  These days I am able to slay the fear dragon by understanding I am powerless and seeking the guidance of something outside of myself to let go of my control.  With the awareness, willingness, and a complete change in my personality I have walked through character defect, learned how to continually inventory to keep things in order, become responsible for my behaviors and thoughts, and eliminate self-obsession by learning to give away what I have learned, what I have and what I am capable of.

Fear will continue to rear its ugly head.  Long ago I learned that it wasn’t something I would not completely rid myself of (a goal that would tend to be slightly unrealistic, especially considering that I believe some fears to be healthy in certain doses.)  Instead I have been taught and continue to learn that fear is something I am best equipped to understand and “befriend.”  My reactions are key to how I handle fear.  With thought, a deep breath, and the understanding that I am not in control I am more apt to be able to understand the fear I am experiencing is likely not real, and even if there is truth within it, it is likely not anywhere as large as I might otherwise believe.  This trust allows me to remember that I am projecting and moves me back into the moment.

Fear Dragon slayed.

Honestly, this may sound like an over-simplification, but the fact remains that in practice I am able to prove the theory true again and again.  If I believe every fear that I feel to be truth I would live in a prison that is the farthest from the joy and peace I deserve as a participant on this planet.

The fears I have felt today are gone.  I am covered.  I am free.  I am happy.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

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