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What to do when it feels like things will never change….

June 10, 2013

There is no doubt in my mind that life is very rich.  I am blessed frontwards and backwards and when connected in the ways I have learned there is no doubt of the list of things I have to be grateful for.

If, however, my world were perfect I might not walk on this path as a student of life.  I might not have hit the walls that were necessary for me to grow.  I would not have enjoyed the thrills of illumination and awakening that have defined my quest for purpose (and the sometimes elusive and undefined happiness.)

So why then do I so often make the choices to question and ponder said “happiness” and constantly seek the proverbial “MORE” that strikes to the very core of being human?  Why wouldn’t it make sense to simply BE and enjoy the surrounding simplicity instead of digging like a dog with a bone for the complexity of what ‘feels’ wrong?

Sometimes it feels as though being human is the problem.  Perhaps I should try to be something besides human?  Would it make sense to arrest the over-thinking (and let’s face it, paranoid) thinking that tends to strike through the quiet of a happy day with the selfish attitudes of “where’s mine,” “they’re out to get me,” or “don’t they know who I am?”

Granted this does not paint a very pretty picture, and truth be told I am not the horrible human being these sentences would suggest.  I know better.  I know how to erase these types of thoughts.  I have solutions and I am keen on practicing them.

“What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.” (P85)

There are aspects for me that play out like a vicious cycle.  When the cycle repeats I write, I discuss, I inventory, I let go.  Invariably, however, I have once again picked up the dis-ease and get caught in the vortex of dis-satisfaction and self-pity.  Poor me, sitting in the job that pays for my lifestyle.  Poor me, doing all this work and wondering when I will get a break to do something else.

What is it they say:  Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.

Fortunately I do believe in the tools that I have been provided and don’t believe that I will ever take the choices I sometimes make to the extreme of checking out.  Granted I don’t have a crystal ball and, as a result, take my spiritual maintenance very seriously.  I am as susceptible to fear as anyone, but know that I am fortunate to understand the fear is almost always not real.

But to find one’s self in a stagnant place that feels like something you’ve been in far too long and cannot “escape” from is as real as experiencing loss or loneliness.  It is part of the human psyche and tied into the emotion of worth.  But it is often said that these feelings are not facts, and in my case a lot of what I feel is addictive in nature.  If I take ahold of a negative I am unknowingly seizing it like I would a drug and before I know it I am deeply mired in it’s grip.

Danger.

What to do?  Learn how to be aware of the patterns.  Arrest the behavior and learn to jump into tools that can push you out of the trap it represents.  Write, talk, laugh, be of service and/or accept where you are (it’s surprising that as difficult as acceptance can be, it is far more liberating.)  If there is one thing that I have learned over and over in the years that I’ve been growing, it is that absolutely everything will pass.

Even whatever it is that doesn’t feel like it is ever going to change.

And as always:  Stop. Smile.  Breathe.

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