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Moving through as opposed to running away

August 11, 2013

Every path has twists, turns, walls to climb or forks in the road.

In every transition there is a chance to grow and learn, but it comes with a commitment and faith in the power that will guide and provide.  Without that faith it is almost a given that there will be fear and a litany of questions about outcomes that we could not possibly know for sure.  With fear comes doubt and often, if not always, the chance that the path’s destination could be altered or delayed.

There are days when I would like to pack it in and disappear.  Years ago that would mean I would drink, or have taken any number of substances to “check out.”  That was easy and I was all about the easy way to resolve whatever needed resolving.  Since this is no longer an option for me I must work through the challenges of faith vs. fear on a regular basis.  I must arrest the thought process and surrender the dis-ease through prayer, meditation, writing, communication and service.

But I am not 100% cured from the ailments of the mind.  It’s not likely that will ever happen.  There are the days when my willingness to jump into the solutions I have learned doesn’t come as easily.  On these days I struggle to understand what I can or should do.  I cling to self-pity and the aforementioned doubt.  I create the scenarios that most definitely do not paint the outcome of whatever I fear in a winning light.  I fall into funks that will manifest my ism in other ways that I have had to confront along with the ones I have conquered in the past (and maintain as best as possible in my daily life.)

And there are days that I want to literally disappear.  From my life, from myself, from my job, from pretty much anything and everything.  This is where I have lost my faith and fall into the hole between my fear of reviving my addictions and my fear of the real world (life on life’s terms).

Fortunately I pull myself into solution on the best of days and the worst.  I can only rely on my best judgment and my experience of how I have been able to solve the puzzles and lessons in the past.  I have answers and I simply need to create the reminders that those answers exist around my world in order to have them readily accessible when my willingness is weak and in need of repair.

When I do run away from whatever it is I am handling I am doomed to repeat it again.  Running away is a temporary fix, and temporary fixes are only going to deceptively “resolve” the moment and create the denial.  Any denial I create or accept within me is going to lead me away from solution.  Without solution I am only in the problem.  Fear takes over and I am useless to myself or others.  If I am useless to others I will not be able to give away what I have been given and I will lose it.

I have been taught so many things to build willingness, create strong defenses and tools for solving the many different affronts (perceived or real) that will get thrown upon a human in the course of a lifetime.  I love the lessons and I have prospered greatly by moving through, patiently (or sometimes NOT so patiently) the situation and not around it.  I am currently working through a situation that feels like a tremendous transition within my life.  In order for me to understand and best make decisions for the result that will provide me the growth and change that I feel it is time to make I must be aware of the signs and patterns I am being presented on the path.  Surrender of control and willingness to accept life on life’s terms will take me to the next part of the path I am traveling.  I am anxious, but I am also clear that more will be revealed only when it is time.

Until then I trust, I believe, I hope and I seek faith over fear.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

  1. Kevin permalink

    Hey cuz. You are beautiful in your humble way of Being. The Universe has your back my man, for you are inherently connected to it’s evolution of awareness of the beauty of this adventure ride called life.

  2. Stop. Smile. Breathe. I like it. Would you mind if I used it in a blog one day? All the credit to you of course.

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