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Reboot the thinking

August 18, 2013

Has anyone ever suggested you should start your day over?  This is sage advice for the soul who takes a cue from the perception of negatives in a newly started 24-hour period and can easily convince themselves that the full period is likely shot as a result.  Technically there is no law that tells us you cannot start that day at any point within it either.

Reboot.

There is also the misconception (so I have been learning through some healthy and wonderful lessons in my classroom of life) that when I am feeling anything, be it anger, resentment, betrayal, fear, shame, embarrassment, disrespect, offense or even loneliness… that the feeling is somehow instantly and unequivocally a fact.

Feelings are NOT facts.  Most of my feelings are based in fear and can come from the smallest of seeds (planted from all sorts of sources, not the least of which would be me).  They can start as the tiniest of thoughts and become obsessive at the speed of light or gain momentum like a snowball moving down a hill.  This is dangerous territory for an alcoholic.  Sometimes we don’t even know it is happening.  But I am becoming more and more aware of my thinking and it’s sublime theater.  I have been able to learn, sometimes to my absolute dismay, that I do not HAVE to hold on to the arguments, resentments and fears that are often, if not always, either baseless or intensely exaggerated.

And what if there is some truth to their basis?  Why is it that I should be the one to hold on and “own” the feelings that I am creating out of my reaction to these seeds and thoughts?  I have learned that having a resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.  It’s a colossal waste of a perfectly good day and almost always a creation that comes directly from me, my stilted perceptions and an inability to remember that holding on to this shit is only going to cause me harm in the end.

Is it easy to stop what you are thinking and reboot the process?  No.  Is it possible?  Yes, but often with some very slow and stubborn indignance.  When I am in fear I will need someone or something to blame.  If I feel that there is something (or likely someone) out there who is in the way of what it is I believe I want or need my innate self-obsession and self-protection is going to react and tell me I need to stop whatever is going on.  Resentment takes form and I can pull myself into silent, sullen behaviors that can result in outward actions that are not conducive to the spiritual program I have grown to prefer.

If I am willing I can stop this behavior.  I am learning to handle resentment with the written word and by speaking to people.  I know I can look at my part in this resentment and hopefully understand that I am, once again, in the struggle between fear (the enemy) and faith (the friend).  Whether or not I am able to transition out of the argument in my head and back to the spiritual understanding quickly or over a period of time is not what is important about the reboot.  It has become most important for me to arrest the thought process…. almost, at times, to laugh at how quickly I can put myself into an unhealthy mind.  It is not, as I have learned, going to go away… but it can be maintained and most, if not potentially ALL of the results that it could cause without the re-emergence of faith can be avoided.

Once I have rebooted the thinking it is also important that I don’t shame myself for having had the thoughts in the first place.  Shame is a vicious cycle and I must accept that my ISM is centered in my mind.  I am not a bad person for having resentments.  I am not evil for feeling anger or dis-ease.  It is the hand I have been dealt and it is up to me to play it towards a winning game.  I have been able to reboot my thinking in increasing amounts as long as I am in willingness and out of judgment both of myself and the program that teaches me the methods that are healing me.  Not every day is a success, not every reboot lasts very long.

The most important thing is my awareness and action.  The next time any seed is planted I am going to seize the dis-ease (hey, that rhymes!) and reboot the thinking.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

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One Comment
  1. Kevin permalink

    Love it cuz. Self-awareness is amazing, huh? You rock. To explore your patterns of thinking and feelings is a brave thing and an act which will instill in you—mucho more awareness. You should read, Eckhart Tolle’s, “A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life’s Purpose.” Amazing in its explanation of our incessant thoughts and how most of our thoughts and reactions to them are messed up by the ego. It’s cool stuff. I think Eckhart should have cited your “Solutions” work since some of your sweet insight on life is reiterated in it. Love ya cuz!!! I just applied to follow your page, Stop, Smile, Breathe. Love it. Today I shall do all three a bunch of times….

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