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What is my purpose?

September 1, 2013

How often have you asked yourself the question: “What am I doing here?  There has to be a reason?  What is my purpose on the planet?  How will I know?”

It’s a bit existential, I know.  But (with no offense to my employers) I have to hope that there is a lot more to my purpose here than creating online experiences for television programming.  Not that the job isn’t substantial or meaningful, but it isn’t exactly memorable either… and I am certainly not curing cancer.

To be honest, however, I am not necessarily looking to go that far on the meaningful scale.  Nor is it necessary that any one of us become that holy in the ranks of individual contributions to the world at large (as important and vital as they all are).  For me the meaning of purpose comes strictly in how I allow my environment, my lessons, the people I touch and the people who touch me to be navigated.

How will I be remembered?  How do I want to be remembered?

It is in my aching and questioning moments that I am often stumped at how it is I have survived so many beautiful people and made it to the place I am today.  I am beyond middle-aged.  I have been provided and afforded opportunities, love, growth, spirituality and so many gifts that many of the people on my path have left before receiving, realizing or being able to truly enjoy.

How is that I deserve this when there are so many people around the world and in our own backyards who suffer physically, mentally and spiritually around the clock?  And, to make matters more complicated, I have to ask myself what right I have to complain or question my existence when I am, by everything I represent, so fortunate?

My right to question is possibly the reason I have been able to grow.  My right to change who I am, how I think, what I do and most importantly, how I react to the world around me has been the result of my evolution as a human being.  I am not perfect, never will be perfect and have never striven for perfection.  It is not the point of trying to figure out my purpose.  I don’t want to walk on water, I don’t need to be lauded or gifted with awards or accolades.  I do, however, want to know from time to time if there is something I should or could be doing that would help me to understand what keeps me “vital” on this planet.

There are days when it seems a bit pointless and I suppose what I really tend to look for is the point.

My answer always comes to faith.  On the days that I am struggling to understand I must be reminded that I may not get an answer today or at all.  In the moments where I just feel selfish or ridiculous in the face of the people I have watched leave this planet OR the people who suffer so deeply all around us, It is in my nature to wonder if I am doing this life wrong.  The answer I get is I am not if I am in faith.  I am not if I am working through my best and most honorable intentions to the best of my ability.  I am not going to be a monk or Mother Theresa… but there are other things I can and will do in order to satisfy my need to understand the point of my existence.

Yes, existential.  No, not something that weighs heavily upon my waking hours.  No angst, Just a reminder that I feel better with a focus on the point of it all.  And sometimes the point of it all is as simple as…

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

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One Comment
  1. Kevin permalink

    Hey cuz! I believe we have an inner purpose and an outer one. Inner purpose is to wake up and remember who we are: individuated aspects of the divine. We are here to raise our consciousness so then the Universe too can evolve as it experiences it’s purpose through us. Out outer purpose is connected to our inner purpose and it’s not about job. Your outer purpose, I would guess, would be to do the giving back you are doing with helping those with substance use issues remember who they are-which is inherently connected to your inner purpose! You rock cuz!!

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