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The map of choices

March 9, 2014

It’s important that I remember that I have the luxury of choice.

In every area of my life there will come the time when I begin to feel trapped.  I will believe I am “under obligation” to do this or that because of the consequence or ramification that would result if I were to stop.

This, by and large, is true.  But what does not jive in this type of theory is the fact that I am no more knowledgeable about the outcome of any situation than the next person.  I do not have psychic ability.  I am not able to predict what a consequence might be… although I sure as hell tend to convince myself otherwise.

There is an old theory I have held true through my years.  In it I find myself a massive over-thinker that will create the answer to any question where it is not provided.  This can be thoroughly dangerous if one is not living in a more spiritual and optimistic state of mind.  Through the lessons and actions I have taken over many years my life has become one of solutions over problems, but being human I am defaulted to creating worst case scenarios based solely on the fear of my unknown outcomes.  I have accepted this as a part of my “dis-ease” and I am on the medication of steps and service to work on this daily.

We call that the world of “what if.”  It’s an endless pit that doesn’t belong in anyone’s head…. much less vocabulary.

In that I have a proven track record of making very good decisions (usually after hitting the wall as the result of bad ones) I have started to learn that any choice I make is a good one and that the outcome of said choice is merely a consequence or result that must be handled for its benefit or the lesson it is there to provide me.

Over the years I have learned a great deal.  Most of the lessons have been partially due to what I always thought were mistakes.  But I come to the world in which I live today a better man than I’ve ever been.  I am smarter, more capable, more successful, a better friend, a good husband, a trustworthy advocate and employee and a man who has benefited from every single choice and it’s ramification.  I am strong and I am honest, more believable and better equipped to solve the problems I face AND make the choices laid out in front of me.  I see these choices as opportunities on a large map that spreads across a beautiful landscape and a wealth of experience both in what would be interpreted as positive and negative realms.  What is different about the person I am today is in intention and overall awareness.  I have come to know, very simply, that my intention will provide the right result in any decision.  Right, however, doesn’t necessarily mean it will be a happy or “good” result, it merely means that I will continue to learn and grow.

I almost hate to admit that my map holds a lot of choices that were less than magnificent in their immediate result.  But because of each one of them I have molded and shaped my path into a legacy.  I like who I am and that is possibly the best outcome to any series of choices I could ask for.  I am proud of what I am for others, which tells me that the choices I have made in the past have collectively been beneficial to help this soul be the best possible being in the world.

There will always be bad days.  There will always be times when I am feeling less than or judging myself harshly on what I perceive to be wrong about my character or behavior.  What has happened for me over time is I have been able to look at myself with less judgmental eyes.  I see that the person I have become is not what I have tended to believe others see.  This is simply no longer true in both the estimation and harshness I have held myself to as well as the perception that others might hold certain opinions as well.

The choices I currently make are honorable.  I seek to change the behaviors that do not work as well.  I choose to make sure that everything is for the right intention.  I make sure I am looking at a full picture and not towards something that benefits me only.  I am no longer concerned about the way others may feel, but my map has allowed me to come to a place where I shouldn’t have to.

Today’s choices are about recognizing what could help me in all aspects of my life and changing perception, opinion, reaction and habit.  No, it, like any other part of the real world, is not “easy.”  Yes, like the sentence that I opened this post with, it is always possible if I want it to be.

I need only remember to:

Stop.  Smile.  Breathe.

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