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The change conundrum

July 27, 2014

I used to say: I will always get the things I want, unfortunately I never get them when I want them.

This sort of statement is usually followed by trite notions like “be careful what you wish for” because believing I want something today is merely a stilted perception of what I tend to believe will make things better.  Most of the time I don’t really require that ‘better,’ but the ISM I live with is forever trying to correct, mend, upgrade, fix or add something to my life.

Living in the present is preferable but never easy.  For people like me, who live with variations of anxiety and shame (always combatted with the solution of program, but never fully gone) the default of reaching out mentally or physically for something to “fix” whatever I am feeling is hard to shake.

For me the idea of change is as much of a drug as the drugs and alcohol I have moved out of my life for the past 23+ years.  My ISM tells me change is going to make things better.  Change is going to provide happiness.  Change is going to fix the problem.  The trouble with this philosophy is in how the change is designed by the same head that isn’t accepting the status quo (which undoubtedly was at one time a change I was looking to make.) When change does arrive (and we know it always does) it doesn’t always feel like something we had “asked” for and then suddenly it is an imposition and perpetuates the cycle for creating the need for the changes we would prefer.

Perhaps the answer is and always will be acceptance.  I am where I am for a reason.  I do what I do for a purpose.  If I am in a job for many years and I desire “change” I should ask myself what it is about the job that I am looking to leave?  Is it the people?  The work?  The hours?  Let’s be clear:  the “problem” (or trigger if that feels better) is always ME.  If change is required or would even feel better there is never any reason the change cannot be made internally first and, giving that the world almost always provides us with the freedom to choose, change can be created by a decision externally as well.

It’s usually fear that puts a halt to that.

A good friend posted a quote today:  “The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.”  It sounds so simple and although I have succeeded in changing who I am for many years through what I do, it still doesn’t seem to stop the moments of daydreaming about the OTHER things I would like to pull into my world.

So perhaps the real answer for change is to be aware.  Know that change is constant.  Know that you can create and provide change in your world and environment.  Know that looking for change as a goal should be a positive but accepting the status quo, which was probably once a goal, is probably going to require a change in your own behavior.

I love change, I fear change, I accept change…. I embrace change, but I don’t have to always understand change.  It just is.

Enjoy your changes today AND love your status quo.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.








One Comment
  1. Kevin permalink

    Awesome cuz!!! All about awareness….we create the change through our awareness—-we co-create it with the universe. The universe sees you BEING change and not WANTING change and it allows for the change to happen through you. If we constantly WANT change, the universe will simply give us more WANTING….Learned this lil ditty from Conversations With God—and I think about it daily as I struggle with change and Being in what is….you rock cuz. Love you.

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