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I am not a victim

December 20, 2014

It is true that life on life’s terms will sometimes mean our lives become victimized in different ways.  It is true that the world is filled with people, things and situations that can feast on innocence or those minding their own business.

Yes, good things happen to bad people… pretty much all the time.

This post is about my reaction to the things which occur.  It is about my having learned through experience that what I believe about any given situation is going to directly result in how I feel about myself, the world around me and the moments I am living.

I understand resentment.  I get angry, I definitely feel anger, but I am not an angry person.  For the most part I pride myself on being solution oriented and geared towards service and activity which results in my thinking less about myself and more about others.  There shouldn’t be any reason for me to tell you that is physically impossible to inhabit this mind frame all of the time.  I don’t.  I do, however, steer my thinking in this direction as much as I am able.  I stop myself in mid-thought if necessary and “arrest” certain behaviors.   My awareness of how I am being effected by people, places and things is vital to any chance of taking a better course of action or direction and moving myself into the solution that is going to provide me with a more desirable result.

Peace of mind.

Sometimes the world can make this difficult.  I have been victimized in different ways as a child, as a gay man, as a sensitive soul and as a human being.  I have held on to the reaction of being a victim and created moods and scenarios completely counter-productive to any solution.  There are times where I just do not understand the problems, slights or damage (intense or otherwise,) where confusion reigns and I am unable to pull myself into the right thinking aimed to steer me out of the problem and into the solution at a quicker pace.

It is important to remember that victimization and it’s associated anger are sometimes a part of a grief process.  It isn’t that I am calling this out as inappropriate or unnecessary behavior.  I speak only to my OWN experience in how holding on to the victim mindset is going to keep me from a solution path and a chance to enjoy my life in as many of my moments as possible.  I don’t want to live in negatives, even if the negatives are all around me.

Where I have been victimized the solutions have required the (eventual) letting go of a need to blame or hold on to the past.  In every life there will be loss and unexplained or unprovoked hardship and sorrow.  I am trying to learn how I can gain the lesson from everything I do or experience both positive and negative.  The lessons will always be there, even if they are not readily or quickly available or understandable.

My past dilemmas have been dealt with through writing, therapy, asking for help from friends or trusted associates, with time, with patience, with faith and with trust in knowing that I am not being singled out to suffer in this world.  I am not special.  I am like anyone else on this Earth and each and every one of us is often handed a sour note, a bum deal and a loss ranging from hard to devastating.

The difference in my reaction (in however, long that will take) is the difference in my life.  If I am going to play the role of the victim I am going to be just that.  If I recognize the victimization and turn it into solution, forgiveness (where necessary and possible) and experience to help others in similar situations I will grow in the classroom I live in.  With this recognition I am able to examine motives and even suspend the propensity I often have towards over-thinking and requiring an answer.

Granted, I cannot guarantee an answer will not be the very key to shifting from the negative to the positive.  I simply must remember that the answer is not always found, more than often, in fact, it is not.

There are situations in my life these days bent on pushing me into a place where I could potentially find myself sinking to lower levels rather than rising further towards my challenges and successes in this world.  For this reason I thought it necessary to remind myself I am NOT a victim, even if situations have victimized me.  I am, more than I am not, in charge of my destiny through my responses to everything around me.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

 

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One Comment
  1. Kevin permalink

    Love you cuz….

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