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The definition of insanity

January 25, 2015

There comes a time when a soul must reach certain conclusions.  For me the time has come with aspects of my life which represent solid chunks of my existence.  I am not unhappy, I am obviously aware, but I have repeated cycles coupled with expectation of result so many times (and recognized each with sadness, disappointment and self-effacement.)

At what point do I stop and change the course?  Where do I recognize the very definition of insanity in my life and turn around my own behavior or the situation I have trapped myself within?

I have been taught the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results.  I find this to be dangerous and unfulfilling, a time waster and a complete confidence sucker.  If I were to look at this closely it will only illustrate my inability to recognize patterns that aren’t productive and a possible, if not probable, fear of change and/or acceptance.

Let’s discuss acceptance first.

If I were to work with something that isn’t within a successful pattern, but forget or consciously ignore the writing on the wall, does this mean I am practicing insanity and not accepting the truth about said situation?  Is it not possible that an argument could be made for “if at first you do not succeed, try, try again?”

Yes and no.

I come from the school of learning my lessons the hard way.  I have often described my larger revelations and life shifts as of the “brick wall” variety.  I will bang my head incessantly against the symbolic wall until I am bloodied and wounded.  Hopefully, if the situation isn’t too far gone and can be salvaged, the lesson will finally become obvious and the insanity of the behavior will dissipate and  finally end completely.

But that brings me to change.  If I am not capable in some instances to ACCEPT something is not working, it is probably not going to be any different and the behavior or action will likely continue.  If I am able to realize the continued lack of result or, in some cases, undesired conclusion is my fate in any area, it would make sense to change my thinking, my direction, my process, and my path in order to better arrive at a conclusion more fitting to the direction I am intending to go.

And it’s important to remember that sometimes I simply will not end up in a direction I had originally intended.  Even more important is to know this may be the blessing in disguise.

Insanity in behavior does not always mean those practicing said behavior are insane.  In some cases they can be classified as strong-willed, stubborn, possibly controlling or perhaps, if the spin fits, just incredibly motivated to succeed in an area where the challenges could be too great to arrive at that station.  I can easily say that I am nowhere near clinically insane.  I am intelligent and I possess an ISM that compounds that intelligence into a state of over-thinking and needs for approval and perfection (which I am smart enough to know does not exist, but affected enough to try to achieve anyway.)

All of the insanity I have experienced in my decision making over the years has resulted in some manner of conclusion.  Whether the attempt to achieve a goal is mis-guided, ill-prepared, premature or completely off the reality mark, it is more important in my world to have taken the action.  What has to be learned when something is not fruitful is the very essence of the motive.  Does this action really need to provide a result?  Is the result I am trying to achieve the correct one?  Am I willing to stop and re-think a process?  Is my mind open enough to always look at my part in any situation and understand if my action is incorrect or if there may be a better way to get to a goal… even if it isn’t precisely what I originally thought it should be?

Acceptance and surrender can sometimes feel a bit painful or defeatist, but in my experience both have offered a clear mind and a better end result.

This has never failed me.

The conclusion for today is that it is time to consider a change in process, direction, path and method in my current situation.  I am not yet been bloodied in the attempts made to be something and somebody in this place.  I will do my best to avoid having to learn the hard way (although I do feel, without any doubt, I have done what I am doing enough times to constitute the impending result of the definition of insanity.)

Therefore I am ready to shift.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

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