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I’m never really silent

February 8, 2015

This weekend I lost my voice, but only in the physical sense.  It’s rather odd to try to speak and barely utter a whisper.  The strain to be “heard” eventually proves not to be worth it.  The reliance on communication can be an extension of ego and expectation.  Communication is key to my existence and a core to my central belief system, but losing a piece of it only tends to highlight the need to find other ways to speak.

I also find it interesting that I should lose my voice while the planet of Mercury is in a retrograde motion, a period somewhat notorious for effecting communication.

What I often learn when something doesn’t work in my life is how I can find another way to do what that something usually accomplishes.  What I realize, as a result, is communication can be achieved in a host of different ways.  Most important, my voice is not just the physical manifestation of my vocal chords.

I am here on Earth to live, be happy and to reach goals.  It is my opinion we all have a purpose, whether we want to recognize or climb to it is not always relevant.  I can’t always say I understand what the goals for me may be (sometimes they seem clear but I can’t be sure the conclusion is mine to be made.)  I definitely don’t always find myself on the best path towards what I believe the goals might mean.  Being human has provided me with a host of lessons by way of meandering routes offering me hints and light’s at the end of current tunnels.

Trust me, sometimes that light is a fast moving train.

On the quest to understand my voice and my purpose I can often feel as though I don’t matter.  There are days when I feel taken for granted or less than leading to resentment or bitterness.  When ego is in charge and the connection I have with God and service is not crystal clear, my path gets dark and I invariably take a misguided turn down an alley.  Not all the alleys are dangerous, some may only represent a perception of time being wasted (personally I don’t believe there are any coincidences and any turn I make is meant to be there for whatever “purpose” it may hold.)

Will there be an end result?  Is there going to be a clear understanding of the purpose I have been given or a neat way to wrap up my lifetime?  Perhaps not while I am breathing and thinking about such things.  Is this purpose the point?  Some days it may seem as though I am driving myself solely on the need for such knowledge.  The truth, on the better days, is clear:  I am here to enjoy the day, the moment, the instance, the people, the experience and the service I am providing wherever I may be.  When I am in that frame I am happy to be wherever I may be and, in essence, I am succeeding in a solid goal for living.

So why should it matter than if this gets noticed?  In the big picture it doesn’t “matter.”  But the experience I have had with living in the moment is in seeing when I notice the result in myself.   My “voice” is heard through my actions.  My voice is noticed by my intentions.  For me, my voice is there when I write, when I show up for a commitment, when I give 100% to my friends or my job, when I am honest in all of my relationships, and when I give my time to others.

All of this is my voice.  Loud and clear.

So on the days (and there are only a few in the relative scheme of it all) when my physical voice is not working, I have many other tools to share my experience, strength and hope within.  Sometimes it is best to rest the vocal chords anyway.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

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