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Conversations with my ego

March 8, 2015

It never fails: when ego appears I am invariably disassociated from my best thinking and the necessary humility which results in the best possible end result to any situation.

This isn’t to say ego is always a bad thing.  There are times when I know my ego is important to my evolution in how I both view the world (and the world views me.)  As an example, without the strengthening of my ego I might not have been able to overcome the adversities confronting me as a younger man.  Without a healthy ego I would not have been able to slowly grow towards learning how to love myself, embrace my defects and hone what I would learn were my many assets towards a better understanding for how to navigate this planet successfully.

Without the positive elements of ego I am not likely to believe in myself, the things I am able to do and the person I am learning to be.  It instills confidence and applies my ability to walk through the walls holding me back from being the best man possible.  My ego pushes me through fear, as well as all the little and colossal challenges I confront on a daily basis.

When the conversation with my ego becomes necessary is when my it decides to run the show, telling me what I deserve and what I am not getting.  Fear has the potential to run my world.  Ego is often a defense mechanism or shield there to “protect” me from what would appear (my perception) as a problem, a barrier or a person, place and thing I must prove something to.  Invariably, the correct likelihood will be there is nothing at all which needs proving, my ego created the whole scenario in the first place.  For me this becomes one of the definitions of a vicious cycle. This is where it becomes a danger to dwell, or think too much about the way the world is and how I am “treated” within it.

Last week I wrote about creating my own problems.  Ego is often a culprit when this happens (along with the ever-lurking ISM tied to both my fears and the thought-based ego in-between my ears.)  When I am unhappy in any situation I have undoubtedly started to believe I am not being taken care of or not getting what I deserve.  I have removed myself from the basic tenants of service and selflessness and placed myself in a starring role where the need for validation or reward is highly unnecessary and often unwarranted.  Although I could not possibly speak to every situation (there will be times when thoughts of change or recognition provide a healthy and/or justified means to an end,) it is more probable that whatever is perceived when involved with my ISM is more a product of resentment and fear.

So how does this conversation go?  When I am fortunate enough to become aware my ego is steering me into unhealthy or unproductive pathways, I have found ways to (what’s the name of this blog?) halt the thought processes and prospective behaviors that could result.  This is no easy task even with awareness when you are in the throws of “where is mine” and “what have you done for me lately?”  It is very difficult to sidestep fear when the over-active imagination is tarnished with learned or practiced behavior that can default to the negative (for many this is a comfortable place.)  “What if” tends to be a far easier go to than any positive alternative.  Hope and faith appear to work far better in situations of comfort and safety, as opposed to the places where the threat (real or imagined) of loss or pain (emotional or physical) block the view.

This is where my ego is dangerous.  When I am not in the more powerful spiritual mindsets I have been fortunate enough to learn and understand,  I am in danger of thinking incorrectly without awareness or memory of the tools which have saved me (and helped me grow continuously in the past.)  My ego is good, my ego is bad… but the most important thing I must know is my ego is manageable and better for me when used for the right reasons.  It is all about the awareness and the resulting conversation.

Stop. Smile. Breathe.

One Comment
  1. Reblogged this on kingever.

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